Letters to Lance
by quinnovative
Summary: Daisy writes to Lance as their son grows up. "Dear Lance, it happened today. Early this morning at precisely 2:14 a.m. on April 13th, 2015, Seeley Lance Sweets was born."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello! I'm really excited about this story and I hope you enjoy reading it. A few quick things - With the timeline of the show and everything I wasn't sure when the baby would be born exactly, April felt right so I went with it. Also, I think each chapter of this story will take place during one significant every year as the baby grows up or after a large time leap. Daisy's letter would cover most important things that occurred throughout the year and in the writing after the letter I'd focus on one major event, like the baby starting kindergarten or his birthday. I feel as though it would suit the story well and keep the plot from being repetitive... So, let me know what you think about that. Anyway, thank you for reading! Reviews are always appreciated.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 <strong>

_ April 13__th__, 2015_

_Dear Lance,  
><em>

_I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this, you can't read it, you can't hear me or see me, I know all of this to be true yet here I am writing it anyway. I guess I just really miss you. Never mind, I know I really miss you. Even through it's been weeks since everything happened, since the whole world slipped between my fingers. I was clinging to a single drop, our son, Lance. Every time I felt one of his little kicks I couldn't help but feel like he was trying to remind me that you were still here, that you were everywhere around me. Just in a different form, in thoughts and actions and songs and the people we are now. _

_If I were being honest, I'd tell you how much I'm struggling, how hard everything is. Nothing is easy. But you taught me that there is always a choice, and I have chosen to be strong. So, here I am. New things have happened and I have started rebuilding my world. There was darkness in the beginning, it was so thick I thought I would never survive. I thought there would be no relief, no more joy in life but today something beautiful happened and it showed me that there is happiness and there is misery in life and they coexist in a constant struggle but neither is permanent, and somehow I find comfort in that. In knowing that joy can be found even when it doesn't seem possible._

_I wish I had told you how much I loved you when you were still here. Now it's too late. It seems like it's too late for a lot of things. It tears me apart to know you're gone, I can't imagine it, not really. Even months later, I keep thinking I'll see you walking through the front door, wearing that smile. You know which one I'm talking about, don't you? Like you were invincible. Like nothing in this world could bring you down. I like to think that it couldn't. Your life may have been taken, but your spirit, your heart, your soul haven't. You have spread them through all the things you have done, every word you spoke, breath you took, action you participated in. You are forever a part of this world and whatever the world may have forgotten or missed, I will carry with me and when the time comes I will pass it on to our son. He will know all that you did, your strength, your knowledge, your kindness and loyalty. He will remember you. I won't let him forget._

_I can't thank you enough for everything and especially for our son. Lance, it happened today. Early this morning at precisely 2:14 a.m. on April 13__th__, 2015, Seeley Lance Wick-Sweets was born. He has your last name and he has your eyes. I can just tell by his little head of black hair, he's going to look like you. He's so unbelievable small, when I held him in my arms, despite how ridiculous it seems, it felt like I was holding the whole world. Nothing else mattered except for our baby boy. I'm sure you'd have some shrink-y explanation for that, I really miss those. I wish we could have gotten married and I wish we could've had more kids. I wish we could have had a lot of things but what we did have was okay, it was more than okay, it was magical because I had you, the best thing of all and you gave me our son who has inherited the status of "best thing of all" from you. No amount of time together could ever be enough but what we had was still great and incredible and I wouldn't change it for the world. I miss you so much. I say it often because it's true. I miss you._

_The birth went so well, Seeley's as healthy as could be and so cute! I wish you could have been there physically, Lance. Physically there to hold him and feel his tiny, warm weight. He's 19.97 inches long and weighs 7.16 pounds. I miss you, we all do, and now there's another little guy who's going to miss you too. Booth was there, they all were. But Booth, oh, you should've seen him holding the baby. Booth's already so protective of little Seeley. Dr. Brennan was there, too. She held Seeley and the look in her eyes broke my heart in all the best ways. Our baby is so loved. Booth, Dr. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins, Cam, and Caroline- they were all there, they stayed the whole time. I wasn't alone and Seeley isn't going to be alone, either. None of us are going to let that happen. And you'll be there too. Baby Seeley will always know how much you loved him and how proud you are of him._

_In a little while Booth and Dr. Brennan are coming back with Christine. She can't wait to meet her 'little brother'. Christine really misses you, she came over yesterday. I played princesses with her and dolls and we threw a little tea party, she wanted to know more about you so I told her. She heard so many stories yesterday, she's such a sweet kid. She listened attentively and laughed at all the goofy things you've done. When we were finished she gave me the biggest hug. I love that little girl so much. I think I hear her outside my hospital room right now!_

_Lancelot, I miss you and I love you._

_Love,_  
><em>Daisy<em>

Daisy finished signing her name in her looping writing. She folded it neatly in half and once more before placing the letter under a book on her bedside table. There was a soft knock on her door.

"Come in," Daisy called.

The door to her room opened and an excited Christine entered, clad in a green dress and pink headband. A small teddy bear was clutched between her fingers.

"Aunt Daisy!" She cheered and skipped towards Daisy's bed.

Daisy sat up and her eyes met Brennan's, she smiled warmly before the younger woman returned her attention to the little girl beside her.

"Hey Christine," Daisy said, pulling the girl into a hug.

"This is for you and Seeley," she said, handing the bear to Daisy.

"Why thank you, Miss Christine," Daisy said.

The little girl giggled, "I want to see Baby Seeley."

"You do?" Daisy chirped. "Let's get a doctor to bring him in."

A few minutes later, a doctor appeared in the doorway. "I've got a little Seeley Sweets here," she laughed.

Daisy smiled. "Could I see him?"

"Of course," the doctor replied and placed the small baby into Daisy's arms. He was bundled in a light blue blanket, wearing a blue hat. His eyes were closed and he slept peacefully. Daisy was both amazed and terrified by the overwhelming sense of love she felt for the little human being in front of her. Christine climbed onto the bed and snuggled up beside Daisy before she placed Seeley into the little girl's arms. Booth helped make sure his daughter was holding the baby correctly.

"He's so small!" Christine whispered, "And he kind of looks like Uncle Sweets already."

Daisy felt tears pool up in her eyes, she looked at Christine. "He does, doesn't he?"

Christine nodded enthusiastically and Daisy hastily wiped away a tear. Brennan reached over and squeezed Daisy's hand.

"Why are you crying?" Christine asked, her innocent voice bubbling with concern.

"I'm just missing your Uncle Sweets a lot," Daisy said, smiling wistfully.

Christine handed the baby to Booth before cuddling closer to Daisy and wrapping her arms around her.

"Mommy and Daddy said that Uncle Sweets wouldn't want me to be sad and I don't think he wants you to be sad either. We should be un-sad together."

Daisy smiled at the little girl. "Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all of your reviews, I really appreciate them. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.

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><p><em>October 31st, 2016<em>

_Dear Lance, _

_Baby Seeley is getting so big! He's already 18 months old. I wish you could see how much he grows every day. He_ _smiles at me and recognizes my voice. Oh, and his laugh! His laugh is so bubbly and perfect. He loves playing peek-a-boo and I once caught Booth making funny faces at Seeley, he was giggling so much he squealed. He can talk now and although he only knows a few words, I love hearing his voice. _

_Booth and Dr. Brennan have been so helpful throughout all of this. I'm so lucky to have friends as great as them. They miss you. I miss you too. Every time I look at little Seeley I can't help but see parts of you, speckled throughout him, reflected back at me. As painful as it is, I love that. I love knowing that in a sense you're still here. That a part of you is forever in our son. I love our son so much it hurts. I love the way it sounds—"our son". I read to him every night before tucking him in, occasionally I forgo the usual books and tell him stories. Sometimes I make them up, but I mostly tell him about you. The moonlight glimmers through the window and the stars sparkle above us as I whisper your name in his ear and I tell him how much you love him, how much you miss him. It's quiet and peaceful, in a silent, still way. It sort of feels like Seeley and I are the only people in the world. Some nights after Seeley drifts into sleep, I sit outside and I look at the sky and the world that surrounds me and when I close my eyes, it's almost as if you're right there. I can feel you breathing, the rise and fall of your chest. I can feel your hands and your hair. I can so clearly, so vividly taste your lips and hear your soft, sleepy voice in the morning. It's as though, even now, I'm still falling in love with you. Every single day._

_Today is Halloween and later tonight I'm taking Seeley to Booth and Brennan's house to go trick-or-treating. He's can't wait. Christine and Michael Vincent have been so kind to Baby Seeley. I was worried at first, that Seeley wouldn't get to experience what it's like growing with a brother or a sister-something I've always wanted-but when I see him with Christine and Michael Vincent I know I don't have to worry. One thing I've learned from all of this is that family, the definition of family, expands to so much more than being related simply by blood. Booth and Dr. Brennan and Angela and Hodgins have become family. Christine and Michael Vincent are like Seeley's big brother and sister. It's comforting to know that there are other people who have our son's back. He's got older kids watching out for him. _

_For Halloween Seeley is going as a monkey, his costume is adorable. You would have loved it. He looks so fuzzy and cute. I'm not dressing up this year. It's not the same without you. Remember Halloween three years ago? It was our last one. We didn't know it at the time. We were dressed up as pirates and we went to that Halloween party. I don't think I'll ever forget how much fun we had. There are a lot of things I don't think I'll ever forget. I hope I'm right._

_I'll have to start getting Seeley ready if we're going to get there on time._

_I wish you were here. I miss you intensely, in a way I never thought possible. I love you and I'm thinking of you always. Our son is everything we'd ever hoped he'd be, I just thought you might want to know. I'll write to you soon, Lancelot. _

_Love,_

_Daisy_

The sun was descending through the sky, slipping closer to the silhouette of the neighborhood houses. Daisy pulled up to Booth and Brennan's house. She parked the car and slipped out. She unbuckled Seeley from his car seat and pulled him out.

"You ready, baby?" She asked softly and smiled at her son.

"Yes!" Seeley giggled in reply and reached up to play with her hair. He wore his tiny monkey costume. Their son was a small baby and the little costume emphasized that but his face was charming. Seeley babbled as Daisy walked up to the front door, balancing him on her hip and bouncing him slightly. Daisy knocked on the door and stepped back for a moment as she waited. A minute later the door opened, revealing Christine.

"Hi Daisy!" The energetic girl called.

"Hey Christine. How are you?" Daisy replied.

"I'm great," she cheered and sprang down the hall.

"Mom! Dad! Daisy and Seeley are here," she yelled into the kitchen.

Daisy followed and closed the door behind her. She saw Brennan kneeling in the kitchen adjusting Christine's costume.

"Hi Dr. Brennan," Daisy said.

"Hello Daisy," Brennan said as she stood up.

"Look at him! He appears to be developing well."

Daisy nodded. "His doctor says he's a bit small but they're not concerned since he's healthy."

"That's good to hear," Brennan said.

Seeley waved at Brennan.

"Hi Seeley," Brennan said.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation.

"That must be Angela and Hodgins," Brennan said.

"I got it," Booth called from the living room.

A moment later Angela and Hodgins were in the kitchen and the whole group was preparing to go trick-or-treating. Michael Vincent paraded around the house in his Spiderman costume and Christine chased after him when he took her bumblebee headband. The parents laughed at the commotion as Christine finally caught up to him. She tugged on his shirt until he stopped running and they wrestled for a few seconds until Michael surrendered and Christine emerged victorious. She traipsed back to the adults and stood next to Angela.

"Michael's crazy," She giggled up at the woman.

Angela leaned down and picked up Christine.

"He is, isn't he?"

Christine nodded zealously, her hair bobbling.

"He's funny," she laughed as Michael Vincent approached them.

He tapped Christine on the shoulder before screaming 'tag' and running off.

"Go catch him," Angela said.

She put Christine down and the little girl leapt into action. She raced after Michael, they tore through the house, giggling madly.

Hodgins shook his head. "Those two are going to be so much trouble when they grow up."

"Don't remind me," Booth groaned.

Angela laughed, "What we really need to be worried for is when they start driving."

She turned to Daisy and motioned towards Seeley, "this little guy is in for a crazy ride."

The group chatted until the sun had finally sunk beneath the horizon, blanketing the outdoors in darkness.

"I believe it's the appropriate time to begin trick-or-treating," Brennan announced.

"Michael, Christine, it's time to go," Booth called.

The kids scurried into the room and tugged on their shoes.

"I'm ready," Christine sing-songed.

The group made their way outside.

"Let's go this way! We can see Mrs. Walker," Christine suggested and led the group down the road to a large brown house.

"Go with Christine and Michael Vincent," Daisy said as she placed Seeley on the ground.

"Let's go," Christine said, taking Seeley's hand.

She marched up the steps with Michael Vincent on her tail. They rang the doorbell.

"Trick or treat" the pair said, their voices perfectly synchronized.

An older woman appeared in the doorway, she laughed and held out a bowl of candy.

"You three look awfully cute tonight."

"Thank you, Mrs. Walker," they replied.

"I'm a bumblebee," Christine informed her, "And Michael is Spiderman and then Seeley is a monkey."

"I like your hat," Michael pointed out and Christine smiled at the woman's witch costume.

"Thank you!" Mrs. Walker said. "How are your parents doing?"

"They're good."

"That's good. Have a spooky night, I'll see you guys later. Tell your parents I said hello."

"Okay," Christine smiled.

"Happy Halloween!" Mrs. Walker told them.

"Happy Halloween!" the older kids called back as they made their way down the driveway.

Two hours and several handfuls of candy later Michael and Christine walked up to their parents. It had only taken four houses to exhaust the little boy, and Seeley was now nestled against Daisy, sleeping deeply.

Christine clung to her mom's leg.

"Mommy?" She said.

Brennan looked down, "Yes, Christine?"

"I'm tired."

"I know, sweetheart it's past your typical bedtime. Would you like to go home?"

Christine nodded and climbed into her mom's arms. Brennan shifted the little girl around until she was balanced on her mom's hip. Brennan turned to Angela.

"Is Michael okay with going home now?"

Angela looked around and spotted Michael hitting a tree with a stick.

"Michael Vincent! Come over here."

They laughed as Michael sprinted over and flung the stick behind him.

"Michael Vincent, what did we say about hitting and throwing things?"

He sighed. "We're not supposed to do it."

Hodgins walked over. "Exactly, buddy. Only sometimes we can do it when mom's not around."

Angela glared at Hodgins.

"I'm kidding, Ange." Hodgins held up his hands in mock surrender, "Totally, one hundred percent kidding, right Michael?" Hodgins said.

Michael Vincent nodded eagerly. "Right."

Angela rolled her eyes but laughed. "We're going to start heading back to Brennan and Booth's house, all right?"

"But I'm not tired yet," Her son grumbled.

"I know, honey, but it's getting late. Maybe when we get home we'll watch a movie or something. How does that sound?"

Michael waited for a moment as he weighed his options. "Okay," he finally decided.

Christine rested her head on Brennan's shoulder and snuggled against her neck.

"Mommy, tonight was really fun."

"Was it?" Brennan asked.

Christine nodded into her mom's shoulder.

"Did you have fun?" The little girl asked.

"I did," Brennan answered as Christine closed her eyes.

Within a few minutes Christine's breathing had fallen into a relaxed pattern as she slept. Michael, however, was nowhere near sleep. He was jumping towards the house and leaping over every crack in the sidewalk.

"Does he ever sleep?" Booth asked and laughed.

"Not often enough," Angela said.

"Hey!" Michael called back, although his face wore a grin.

"I'm just joking, sweetie," Angela laughed.

It was a little past nine when they finally reached Booth and Brennan's house and stepped through the front door. Christine woke up, her eyelids peeking open. She sleepily rubbed her eyes and wiggled out of Brennan's arms.

"Michael, do you want to trade candy?" She asked.

It had been tradition since they were little toddlers. Every Halloween after trick-or-treating they would sit on the floor and spread out their candy. Then they would organize it and trade with each other.

"Okay!" Michael said happily.

He sat down on the floor and Christine settled across from him.

"Daisy, does Seeley want to come sit with us?" Christine asked.

"Do you want to go sit with Christine and Michael?" Daisy asked Seeley, bouncing him lightly.

He pouted and shook his head before burying it in her hair. "Mama," he said.

"Are you sure?" Daisy asked.

"Come on, Seeley, you can sit with me." Christine said.

Seeley peeked out of his mom's hair. He giggled as Michael stuck his tongue out.

"You want to go?'" Daisy asked.

Seeley nodded.

Daisy knelt down and set him onto the floor. He tottered over, plopping beside Christine. She picked the little boy up and put him in her lap.

"I can show you how," Christine said and started naming the candies as Seeley pointed to them.

Michael moved over to their side and helped Seeley sort them.

Daisy bit her lip as she watched the kids interact, her eyes glowed warmly. She felt an arm squeeze her shoulder and looked over to see Angela standing beside her.

"Kids are pretty amazing, huh?"

Daisy nodded, "I was afraid that Seeley might be left behind but Michael Vincent and Christine have been incredible. Every time he sees them I can tell how happy it makes him. I've been so afraid of doing something wrong with him…" Her eyes watered.

Angela pulled the younger woman into a hug. "No, honey. You're doing fine and the truth is you're going to make tons of mistakes but it's okay. You're doing everything you can and that's the best you can do. You're okay and Seeley's okay."

Daisy nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I've sped ahead a bit, just so you know Seeley is now three. Reviews are always appreciated, feel free to give me any chapter prompts, too!

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><p>A crisp breeze sliced through the air as Daisy opened the front door and stepped down the small set of steps leading up to her house. One of Daisy's boot clad feet was pressed against the door, holding it open. She peeked back into the house, her eyes searching the living room for her son.<p>

"Ready, buddy?" She called.

"I come," Seeley said and tottered towards the door. He slipped his gloved hand into Daisy's and happily followed her down the stairs.

When their feet met the soft grass Seeley walked in front of Daisy and guided her to the toy chest.

"We play soccer?"

"I'll do whatever you want today," Daisy said as she opened the toy chest and reached inside, sifting through various balls and outside toys. Her fingers finally made contact with the glossy cover of a soccer ball. She pulled it out and watched as Seeley's eyes lit up with pure happiness. "Soccer it is?" She asked.

Seeley nodded eagerly.

They spread a few feet apart and tapped the ball back and forth. A look of intense concentration took over Seeley's face, his small eyebrows furrowed as he watched the ball roll towards him.

Within an hour the chilly air had crept past their coats and gnawed at their skin. Daisy sent a pass near the two blocks of sidewalk they sometimes used as makeshift goal. Seeley chased after it, his laughter trailed behind him, carried by the wind. He caught up to the ball and stopped it with his toe before winding up his leg and swinging through. His foot just barely made contact, grazing the ball's side and sending it trickling toward the goal. The force and moment of the little kick caused Seeley to topple over. He plumped to the ground then looked up at Daisy and giggled.

"You see my kick?" Seeley asked as he pressed his palms against the grass and lifted himself up.

"It was great, I liked how fast you ran and how you got right back up when you fell."

Seeley smiled proudly, "Thanks mama," he looked up at her through big, happy brown eyes adorned with dark curls and rosy cheeks. He wrapped his arms around one of her legs and hugged it tightly. His chin pressed against her body as he looked up.

Daisy ruffled Seeley' hair. "How about you head inside and I'll meet you there, I don't want you to get too cold. I'll just put the ball away and then we'll have some dinner, okay?"

Seeley nodded and ran towards the steps. Daisy picked up the ball and walked around to the house's side. Just as her hand pushed the lid down, a startling scream pierced the air.

_April 20th, 2018_

_Dear Lance,_

_It's almost been three years since you passed away. In some form I've accepted everything that's occurred and I can get through the day now. I know that I am strong enough to manage. Most days, to some extent, I am fine—functional at the least. I have our son, something I am forever grateful for. But every now and then I am overcome by a wave of sadness. It turns me inside out and I feel my heart twisting. Sometimes I feel so lost and I have no idea what to do. I wonder what happened to the cheerful, optimistic person I used to be. I find that I am no longer as talkative or outgoing. I am much more refined and withdrawn. I'm just so afraid. I don't want anything bad to happen. I'm afraid of getting too close to people and loving too hard because this pain, this separation, is something I don't think I could survive again. It's taken too much away from me and I don't know how much of the original Daisy I still have left. And I try to be her, that old me, for our son. I do my best to be the mother he needs me to be. It gets hard though and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Lance, I need you here and although I know it's not possible I still hope that someday it will happen. Oh God, I'm sobbing again. I wonder when these tears will ever go away, will they ever stop? I hope they will. I know I won't stop missing you, in a way I don't want to, but I'm hoping that someday I will improve at managing the pain. I wish our son could meet you. I wish he had you right now. You could give him so much more than I can. I'm sorry I'm not doing all that I hoped I'd be able to and I'm sorry that I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I feel so hopeless, so desperate. I feel alone and I miss you. I love you. I am screaming out for you every day._

_Lance, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm writing from the hospital because I messed up and now our son is hurt and it's all my fault. You could do so much more for him, nothing I do ever feels like enough. It's as though he'll always be missing that piece of you. I didn't mean for it to happen. We were just outside. We were playing soccer. He's so good already, he must have gotten that from you. Seeley was headed to the front door and I was at the side of the house, tossing the ball into the toy chest. I had just closed the lid when I heard this scream- it was horrible. I ran to Seeley, he was crumpled at the base of the stairs. He looked so small and helpless. He just cried and cried and no matter what I did he wouldn't stop. There was nothing I could do to take away his pain, I just hugged him tightly, pressing his small form against me. I could feel the heave of his shoulders against my stomach, the tremble of his breath, his hot wet tears as they soaked my shirt. I don't know what I was doing wrong but I just couldn't get him to stop. I felt so worthless. What kind of mother am I if I can't even protect my son? If I can't take his pain away?_

_I kept him home for a little while with hopes that it would get better but he didn't stop crying. He wouldn't stop crying until he fell asleep on the couch, snuggled in my arms, terrified of moving his knee. I treated the gash on his forehead, right on his hairline. When he woke up the look in his eyes was so pained, so miserable that I knew I had to take him to a doctor immediately. That's where I am now. I'm in the waiting room as they're taking x-rays._

_What am I doing wrong?_

_I'm scared, Lance. What if he's severely injured? I should have taken him in sooner. I should never have let him climb the stairs alone. _

_You would have done so much better, Lance. You would have been the best father, the better parent. You would have known how to make the tears stop. I need you, Lance. I need you more than anything but I know you're not coming back. You can't. It shatters my heart into thousands of tiny little, irreparable pieces, all in the shape of you. I wish you were here. It's times like this where I really don't know how I'm going to survive. How am I going to do it? I, oh, Lance, I have no idea…_

Dr. Rowan entered the waiting room. As his eyes searched the plastic seats, he noticed a young woman, seated in the corner of the room, her legs tucked up toward her chest. Sobs racked her small frame.

"Parents of Seeley Sweets?" The doctor asked.

The woman dropped her pen in her purse and folded the letter. She glued her gaze to the floor, furiously wiping away the tears that had gathered, then spilled over. Spiraling out of control. She stood up and walked towards him, after taking a deep breath she finally looked up, meeting the doctor's eyes.

"Just me," she said, her voice was a hushed whisper, quivering, so very close to teetering over an edge. The doctor recognized the sound, it was the voice of a person who had lost someone, the voice of a person who was barely hanging on.

"Are you all right?" He asked gently, kindness radiated from his brown eyes.

Daisy nodded and took a shaky breath. "I'm such a mess, sorry."

Dr. Rowan shook his head sympathetically. "You have nothing to apologize for. I have a little girl about the same age as your son, I understand how scary it can be when they get hurt."

She sniffled. "I'm Daisy Wick."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Wick. I'm Dr. Rowan," he said and extended his arm.

They shook hands briefly before carrying on.

"Do you have any news? On Seeley, I mean."

"He's all right," Dr. Rowan said and Daisy let out a sigh of relief. "We just finished the x-rays, and there are no fractures to his patella. The stitches went over well, just take him to your pediatrician in five days. The stitches will be examined and if everything looks good the doctor will remove them."

"May I see him?"

"Of course and you should be able to take him in a few minutes, the nurses are just finishing his paperwork," Dr. Rowan said and led Daisy to Seeley's room.

_Hi, Lance. Sorry I had to stop in the middle of the letter, Seeley's doctor came. His name was Dr. Rowan and he took good care of Seeley. I'm feeling a little bit better, since there were no serious injuries, just three stiches on the cut I tried to treat earlier._

_Seeley's asleep right now. He's snuggled next to me in bed because I don't want him alone tonight. Maybe I don't want to be alone either. His chest is rising and falling peacefully. He's so handsome, he looks so much like you. _

_Right now I crave your embrace more than anything, the strong reassuring squeeze that always made me feel better. I miss your arms around me and I miss wrapping my arms around you. I miss you. Generally when we were together I was happy, you had that effect on me, but do you remember some of the times I was really upset? You used to hold me and I would nuzzle my face against your neck and your shoulder as salty tears rolled down my cheeks. I was so vulnerable and you were sturdy ground, something I could hold on to. You were my anchor and now, without you I've gone adrift._

_With love,_

_ Daisy_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thank you so very much to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and/or followed, it means so much! Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated.

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><p><em>April 13, 2019<em>

_Dear Lance,_

_Today is going to be a great day! It's Lance's fourth birthday and I have a super fluffy, super awesome surprise planned for him. I'm taking him to the Humane Society to pick out a dog! He's been asking for one for quite some time and I can't wait to see his face when he sees where we're going._

_I woke up this morning and found Seeley's small body snuggled against my side. He sleeps in my bed so often now, it used to be sporadically. But every night he appears in my doorway with wide eyes, pouted lips, and tear streaked cheeks, clutching his "Puggy," a tiny pug stuffed animal he received from Dr. Rowan nearly a year ago, I can't help but let him climb into my bed. Eventually it's kind of become a routine for Seeley to sleep beside me. He's just so small, Lance. I don't ever want anything to hurt Seeley, he's our baby. I'd do anything to protect him. Seeing him cry is the worst, I'd do whatever it takes to keep his tears away and to keep a smile present on that adorable face of his. _

_He's growing into such a wonderful little boy. He's been meeting nearly all of his developmental milestones early, he's so smart, just like his dad. He looks a little more like you every day, only as he gets older it appears as though his curls are straightening out, apart from that, he really does look like you. I can't believe he's already four. He's growing up so fast. I'm worried for what will happen when he goes to kindergarten, he's going to the Jeffersonian daycare right now, but it's not the same as school. Pretty soon he's going to learn that he's missing his father, and I'm not sure how to comfort him or what to tell him. I have no idea how he'll react._

_Right now he's in his bedroom getting dressed, he likes trying to do things himself, then he'll ask for me to help him only a few minutes later. He's wearing a smile almost all the time and it makes me happy to see our little boy happy. I'm going to go and check on him now, just to make sure his shirt's on the right way and that there are shoes on his feet – you'd be surprised by how often this happens. I'll write to you in a few hours when we get back home._

_With love,_

_Daisy_

Daisy secured Seeley in his car seat before slipping into the driver's seat.

"Where are we going?" asked Seeley.

"I can't tell you," Daisy grinned at him through the mirror, "It's a birthday surprise."

"Okay," he giggled from the backseat.

* * *

><p>"Here we are, buddy," Daisy announced as she pulled into the Humane Society's parking lot.<p>

Seeley gazed through the window and watched as a family walked out with a dog on a leash.

"We're getting a puppy?!" He asked, his brown eyes sparkled and his lips curved into a wide smile.

"We sure are!" Daisy said and slipped out of her seat, moving to open Seeley's door and unbuckle his car seat.

Once unbelted, the little boy leapt from the car and slipped his hand into Daisy's.

"I'm so excited, Mommy," he gushed and skipped toward the door as Daisy walked beside him. She helped Seeley maneuver the large door and they stepped inside. At the receptionist's desk a young woman looked up from the computer she was typing on.

She smiled. "Hi, can I help you two with anything?"

"This little guy," Daisy motioned to Seeley "has been wanting a dog for quite some time and today he turns four. So, I was thinking it might be time to finally get a furry addition to our family."

"Sounds good," the woman laughed, then looked at Seeley, "Happy birthday," she said.

Seeley peeked out from behind Daisy's legs. "Thank you," he said, smiling shyly.

"You're welcome. If you want to check out the dogs they're down the hall and to the left. My colleague, Ashley, should be there if you have any questions while you're looking at the dogs,"

"Thank you," Daisy said.

"No problem. Good luck you guys!"

Daisy and Seeley were greeted by a cacophony of loud barks as they entered the dog area. A wide grin immediately stretched across Seeley's lips. He tottered towards the nearest kennel and peered in, his eyes searching for the fuzzy creature housed inside.

Daisy watched apprehensively as Seeley approached his ninth kennel in five minutes. He was moving orderly, thoroughly contemplating each dog. He slipped his fingers between the spaces of the chain linked fence. As he gazed through the metal, his eyes grew wide with wonder and unreserved kindness. He called to the animal in a soft voice, "Puppy. Puppy, come here."

The dog's ears perked up and it lifted its previously sleeping body, its head cocked to the side in curiosity, one ear was flipped upward and its tongue hung lazily from its mouth.

Seeley spun around, nearly squealing in delight. "Mommy, he's listening! What's his name?"

"His name is…" Daisy paused and examined the walls for a sign. _Aha!_ "Bear," she finally called out.

Seeley giggled. "He's not a bear, he's a dog!"

The young boy knelt to the ground and called the dog closer, "Bear," he singsonged.

The Black Labrador stood up unsteadily, his disproportionately large puppy paws slipped out from beneath him like a child who was trying to ice skate for the first time, or a fawn learning how to walk. He eventually salvaged his footing and continued his short trek to meet Seeley at the kennel's entrance.

The dog pressed his wet nose to Seeley's fingers and sniffed cheerfully. He lifted his paw to a gap in the fencing and Seeley petted it. Daisy came up behind him and reached out to the dog. He happily greeted her with a slobbery lick.

"You're a good boy," Daisy cooed. "A good boy."

"Bear is a good name," Seeley declared with such a deep seriousness that it sent a grin creeping across Daisy's lips.

"It is," Daisy agreed, "It really suits him."

Seeley nodded thoughtfully. "But he's a nice bear," Seeley skipped with excitement, "Oh! Mommy, may we please take Bear home?"

Daisy pursed her lips dramatically and eyed the ceiling, as if struggling to find an answer.

"Please," Seeley added.

"All right," Daisy said.

"Thank you, Mommy!" Seeley said and jumped with excitement, he flung his arms around Daisy. "I love you."

"I love you too, buddy," Daisy said as she hugged him back.

_Hey Lance, _

_It went great! It's the first genuinely good day I've had in what feels like ages. I'm so incredibly happy. I feel light and bubbly and a lot like my old self. Of course this euphoria is entirely credited to our son. I took him to the Humane Society and he picked out the sweetest dog. His name is Bear and he's a Black Labrador. He's only a puppy and I was honestly surprised to see him at a shelter. I asked one of the employees and she told me that his owners just purchased him a few months ago when he was first born but they're moving to a different city and couldn't bring Bear, so he ended up at the Humane Society and has only been available for adoption for two days. Generally, once an adoption application is submitted it takes at least twenty-four hours to approve but it was a slow day at the Humane Society and they were able to approve the application in only a few hours so we were able to bring Bear home today. _

_He's prancing around the house at this exact moment and Seeley is chasing after him, bright, melodic laughter is drifting from our baby. Our little baby has somehow grown into a four year old. He is so happy, I never knew someone else's happiness would be this encouraging, this rewarding. But it is. It really, truly is._

_Our son is so much more than we could have hoped for. He's smart and kind and energetic, he loves playing and he laughs and smiles all the time. He's shy when he first meets people but once he gets comfortable he's so talkative. He loves soccer and when I read to him. He loves Booth and Dr. Brennan and Christine and Angela and Hodgins and Michael Vincent and Cam. I love him so much it hurts, but it's a pain I don't mind. A pain that's invigorating. He is my light in this darkness and as time passes I can feel the brightness growing, like a summer sun's rays, this light's warmth wraps me in an earnest embrace. It's giving me strength. I relish in this feeling and bask in the hopeful aura of our son._

_Seeley is my little man, my sunshine. I love him, Lance, and in that, I love pieces of you. You are part of this courage he is giving me. You do not cease to exist and even now, you don't cease to amaze me. I love you, Lance. I miss you. I'm wishing you could be here._

_Lots of love, _

_Daisy_


	5. Chapter 5

A soft knock carried from the door to where Daisy was reading on the couch. She closed her book and dropped it on the coffee table as she made her way to the door. Bear raced over. She opened it, revealing a grinning Seeley and Booth.

"Hi, you guys," Daisy greeted.

"Hey, Daisy," said Booth, "Hi, Bear," he added as the dog crashed against his legs and licked his hand.

"Hi, Mommy," Seeley said, bouncing beside Booth. The little boy skidded forward and threw his arms around Daisy's legs.

"Did you have fun?" She asked.

Seeley nodded. "We went bowling and then Booth took me to the toy store and he bought me some cars."

"That sounds like so much fun, peanut."

She looked up at Booth. "You didn't have to do that."

He waved a dismissive hand. "I wanted to. I love this little guy."

Daisy smiled. "Thank you. Do you want to come in?"

"I would, but Bones wants me home in half an hour so I can be there for dinner with her and Christine. Have a good first day tomorrow, Seeley," Booth said and knelt down to give the little boy a hug.

"Thanks, Booth," Seeley said as he wrapped his small arms around the agent.

He stood up and ruffled Seeley's hair, "You be good for your mom, okay?"

"Okay," Seeley parroted and laughed.

"All right, I'm looking forward to hearing about your day tomorrow. I'll see you both later."

"Bye, Booth. Thank you."

"It's no problem. Bye, you two."

Once Booth was gone, Daisy turned to Seeley. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Can we have mac 'n' cheese?"

"We sure can," Daisy said as she pulled the box from the pantry and began boiling water. "While I'm making this, how about you show me the cars Booth bought you?"

"Okay," he agreed with a smile and lifted the shopping bag onto the kitchen island. He pulled out nine cars and pushed them along the countertop. "Booth helped me pick one out for every person in my family. That way I can always have my family with me even when they're not there. You're the pink one, Booth is the navy one, Dr. Brennan is teal, and Christine is purple. Then, I have the sparkly one which is Angela, green for Hodgins, orange for Michael Vincent, light blue for Cam and red for me," Seeley pointed to each car as he spoke. "Before we left, Booth said we had to go back and get one more," Seeley pulled a small yellow car from his pocket. He pushed the others aside and moved it closer to Daisy. "He got this one and said it was really special. He said something about a baby duck. I don't know who it is, though, but I like it a lot."

A gasp caught in Daisy's throat and tears welled in her eyes. Lance. She'd heard the baby duck story, she knew what it meant. She knew that Booth was helping her find a way to explain everything to Seeley. Her hand drew up and covered her mouth. She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes, willing away tears.

"What's wrong, Mom?"

"Nothing, baby," She took his little hand in hers. "Right now, you just need to focus on being ready for kindergarten. I can tell you about it tomorrow after school, all right?"

Seeley nodded and drove the yellow car around in circles. "Bowling was really fun."

"Was it?" Daisy asked as she turned off the stove and scooped the pasta into two bowls.

"Yeah. Booth was so good. He got a strike!"

"No way, that's crazy," she said and carried their bowls to the counter.

Seeley trailed behind her, two salad filled plates in his hands. "I know! It was so cool. Then he helped me and I got really close."

Daisy slid a glass of milk in front of him. "That's very impressive. I'm so proud of you," she said.

* * *

><p>After supplies had been packed, showers taken, phone calls made, teeth brushed and pajamas put on, it was finally time for bed.<p>

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Seeley asked, his brown eyes wide.

"Of course, buddy. Go hop in my bed and I'll be there in a minute."

Daisy grabbed paper and a pen, knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep without writing to Lance. She entered her bedroom and saw Seeley tucked under the covers, Bear was settled at the foot of the bed.

"Do you have a book you want to read together?" Daisy asked as she slipped under the sheets, placing the paper and pen on her night stand.

"I was hoping you could tell me a story."

"I think I can do that," she winked at him. "What should the story be about?"

"The person that the yellow car is, but also with knights."

Daisy brushed some of Seeley's hair off of his face. "Hmm, let's see what I can do. Once upon a time, there was a man, a really, really great man. He was a knight and although he was a young knight, he was one of the best. He had dark hair like you and was very smart, also like you. He fought bad people and fire breathing dragons. Even though he saw a lot of bad things, he was kind and so very strong…"

"Did he fall in love with a princess?"

"Something like that, yeah. And she loved him back, more than he would ever know."

It only took a few minutes for Seeley's breathing to settle into a soft pattern, his chest rose and fell steadily. Daisy pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

_August 17__th__, 2020_

_Dear Lance,_

_Tomorrow is Seeley's first day of kindergarten. I'm nervous and excited all at once, sometimes the best moments come from that combination. He's so grown up. Where have the years gone? I remember when he was first born, and now look at him, he's starting elementary school. I've got his supplies packed away in his little blue backpack and his "first day" outfit is lying on his bed. He's sleeping beside me right now. _

_Booth took him out today. They went bowling and to the toy store. Booth bought Seeley cars, each one is a different color to represent someone in his family. I'm pink, Booth's navy, Seeley's red, and you're yellow. I'm sure that was Booth's baby duck hint. Seeley asked me about the yellow car, I know this is Booth's way of helping Seeley understand and assisting me in my explanation. I can't express how much I appreciate it. Everyone has been incredibly supportive. Seeley and I video chatted with Angela and Hodgins before going to bed. Seeing Seeley talk with them is so incredible. He just brightens up and becomes so talkative. They're both so good with him. He was excited to show them all the cars he got. He keeps holding on to that yellow one, he knows it's special. Angela and Hodgins paused for a moment, they knew it was for you. It's been years but we still miss you so much. I talked to Dr. Brennan and Booth on the phone a little while ago, they've been mentoring me through parenting in a way, and I'm so thankful for their help. I'm going to tell Seeley about you tomorrow. We've all mentioned you but I've never explicitly told Seeley that his dad has passed away, that he'll never meet you. I'm not sure if he's gathered that you're his dad from everything we've told him. Tomorrow's the day. I'm so worried that it'll go wrong, but Tuesday night Seeley and I are going to have dinner with Booth, Dr. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins, and Cam and we're going to celebrate you. We're going to tell Seeley stories about you and make sure he knows how much you love him. _

_I miss you so much Lance but I think I'm finally okay. I stopped crying in the shower and I started singing again. There's a part of me that's always going to miss you, but you once told me that if anything ever happened, you wouldn't want me to weep all the time, you said you'd want me to find another man because I deserve to receive that love. Lance, you were such a good person, so kind and strong and noble. Knowing that you've said those things makes me feel better because I know you're on my side even if you're not here. It helps alleviate the guilt I felt every time I had a moment of happiness since your death. _

_I'll write to you again tomorrow night after Seeley's big day. I love you, I love you, I love you. Despite everything that may follow, a part of my heart will always be reserved for you, my perfect Lancelot. _

_Love,_

_Daisy_

* * *

><p>Luminescent light shined through the halls, the top half were white while the bottom alternated from muted blue to a soft green. In the morning, the kids met on the P.E. court and sat with their class until the teacher came and took them to their class. On the first day, parents of kindergarteners were welcomed to walk their kids to class. The walls were speckled with previous years' artwork and generic school posters.<p>

"Room 114, here we are. Ready, Seeley?"

He paused outside of the classroom and toed the ground. He shook his head, training his eyes on the tiled floor. Daisy knelt down so they were eye level.

"What's wrong, peanut?"

Moisture gathered in his eyes as his lower lip quivered. "I'm scared. What if they don't like me? Or I'm not smart enough? I don't want to let you or Booth or anyone else down."

Daisy reached out and tilted his head up so he was looking into her eyes. "Seeley Lance Wick-Sweets, you can't imagine how proud you make me every single day. First days can be pretty scary but I know that you're going to make so many friends, and even if you didn't, none of us would be disappointed in you. Seeley, you are so smart and so brave. I just know that you're going to love kindergarten."

He sniffled and shuffled his feet. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Daisy gave him an eskimo kiss.

"Okay," Seeley said and leaned against her.

"I love you very much," she said and wiped away a stray tear on his cheek.

"I love you too, Mommy," he took a deep breath.

Daisy squeezed his hand. "You can do it, buddy."

As she stood up her shoulder bumped a stranger. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, looking up.

"It's fine. Is your little guy starting kindergarten?" The man asked. He looked strangely familiar.

"Yes, this is Seeley."

"Hi, Seeley. My daughter, Jessica, is starting too."

Daisy looked at the little girl, her hand was in her dad's. She wore a yellow dress and her brown hair was pulled back by a pink ribbon tied around her head. Pink Mary Jane shoes were over her white socks, a nervous smile lifted the corners of her lips. Daisy smiled at the little girl. "Hi, Jessica."

The girl waved shyly.

The man glanced at Daisy. "I feel like we've met before. I'm Henry Rowan."

Daisy suddenly understood. "You're Dr. Rowan, I had to take Seeley to the ER last year. You're the doctor that examined him."

Dr. Rowan smiled, "You're right. Henry is just fine though."

The edges of her lips flitted upward, she extended her hand. "Daisy Wick. It's nice to meet you again."

"The pleasure is mine," he said as he opened the door, "After you." Something twinkled in his brown eyes and Daisy's heart fluttered the tiniest bit.

Inside the classroom they were welcomed by Ms. Wheeler.

"Hi, there" she greeted. "I'm Ms. Wheeler, I'll be your kindergarten teacher. What's your name?" She asked Daisy's little boy.

"I'm Seeley."

Ms. Wheeler grabbed a nametag from the shelf behind her and handed it to him.

"That's such a cool name," Ms. Wheeler said with a kind smile and tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. She looked young but friendly in her striped navy shirt and jeans.

"Thank you," Seeley said softly.

"You're welcome. When you're ready you can go put your backpack and lunchbox in the cubby with your name on it and find your seat. It's labeled too."

Seeley nodded and turned around to face Daisy. "Bye, Mommy."

"Bye, Seeley. I love you."

"Love you too, Mommy."

"I'll see you in a little bit, okay?"

Seeley nodded and Daisy kissed his forehead. "Go get 'em."

"I will," he giggled and walked toward the cubbies. He turned around and waved at Daisy before disappearing into a cluster of kids.

Daisy took a heavy breath and said goodbye to Ms. Wheeler. The brunette leaned her back against the wall and closed her eyes. She just dropped her son off to kindergarten. Kindergarten. He was in kindergarten already. Her mind was so buried in whirling thoughts that she didn't hear the door open and close.

"Ms. Wick?"

The distant voice pulled her eyes open. Crimson coloring crept up her cheeks.

Henry smiled, "I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to get coffee?"

Her body went rigid and her heart lurched with guilt and anxiety. "Oh, I would, I just- I have something, some stuff to do. I'm sorry. But I- um, maybe some other time."

"I understand. That's okay. I'll see you around."

Daisy saw the disappointment in his eyes and wondered why she felt that same disappointment in her heart. She watched as his retreating figure turned the corner of the hall. _Come on, Daisy. Go for it, _a voice inside her head urged. The voice was familiar, it belonged to Lance.

She speed through the school and into the parking lot.

"Wait, Henry."

He froze and looked in the direction of Daisy's voice. She jogged over to him.

"I'm sorry. I'd actually really like to go get coffee, if you still want to."

"Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you into anything."

"I'm sure. I've just had some things going on and, oh God, I sound crazy now, don't I?" She self-consciously ran a hand through her hair.

Henry shook his head. "No, I get it, I really do. You lost someone, didn't you?"

Daisy's shoulders slumped "I—yeah, I did. How'd you know?"

"I minored in psychology."

"I did too!" Daisy's eyes lit up as she studied Henry. Her eyebrows furrowed and her head tilted slightly. "You've lost someone too."

Henry nodded. "This conversation is becoming terribly depressing. I know a great café about three miles from here, want to talk there? We can talk about the weather or about the horrifying fact that your son and my daughter just started kindergarten."

"I'd like that," Daisy said.

* * *

><p>Daisy pushed open the wooden door and entered the classroom. Parents were gathering their kids and flowing through the door. She spotted Seeley sitting in the reading corner with a small group of students. He looked up for a moment and caught her eye. A wide grin lit up his face. Daisy watched as Seeley said bye to the kids and grabbed his belongings from the cubbies before running over to Daisy. He dumped his items on the floor and jumped into Daisy's outstretched arms. She spun Seeley around before placing him back on the ground.<p>

"How was it, my sweet baby boy?"

"Mommy, I had so much fun!"

"I'm so glad. Grab your things and we'll say bye to Ms. Wheeler. Then we can go get ice cream and you can tell me all about your day."

* * *

><p>"Can you tell me about the yellow car now?" Seeley asked as he scooped up his last spoonful of cookie dough ice cream.<p>

"Yeah. Let's go home. I have some pictures to show you."

Twenty minutes later they were both seated on the living room floor, a short stack of photo albums beside them.

"Seeley, you've heard us talk about your dad, right?" Seeley nodded and Daisy continued, "The yellow car is for your dad. He's like the knight from yesterday's story. He worked with me and Booth and Dr. Brennan and Angela and Cam and Hodgins and we all fought bad guys together. Your dad was an amazing person, caring and strong and brave and smart. He was good at his job, but one day, when you were still in my tummy, your dad was fighting a bad guy and the bad guy hurt your dad really bad. You know how sometimes we talk about flowers that have died? Or the bird we saw on the side of the road that one time?"

"Did Daddy die?"

Daisy swallowed. "Yeah, he did. But he loved you so much, Seeley. Do you want to see a picture of him?"

Seeley nodded and climbed into Daisy's lap as she opened up a photo album. "I got all of my pictures of him printed so you could look at them."

The little boy extended his arm and traced Sweets' outline.

"His name was Lance Sweets. That's where you got your middle name and half of your last name. Your first name comes from Booth and your middle name comes from your dad."

"I like that," Seeley smiled and glanced at Daisy. "Mommy, do you miss him?"

"I do, but you know what makes me feel better?"

"What?"

"You," Daisy said. "Your dad would be so proud of the big, brave kindergartener you've become."


End file.
